Take the rice out of the fridge and break up any clumps with your fingers before it goes near the pan.
Render the pork belly (or spam) in a dry, cold pan over medium heat until the fat runs and the edges crisp, about 3 minutes.
Add the kimchi and cook 3 to 4 minutes, stirring often, until it darkens slightly and smells toasted rather than raw.
Push everything to one side, add the oil to the empty side, and stir in the gochujang for 20 seconds until it's fragrant.
Add the cold rice and the kimchi juice. Break up the rice with the back of the spatula and stir-fry over high heat for 4 to 5 minutes, pressing it against the hot pan in stages so parts of it actually fry rather than just steam.
Taste and add the sugar only if it tastes sharp rather than savory-sweet.
Fry the eggs separately, sunny-side up, while the rice finishes.
Off the heat, stir in the sesame oil, divide between two bowls, top each with a fried egg and scallions, and scatter the seaweed or sesame seeds over the top.